Sometimes, in life, you’re in a situation you don’t really like. I once was standing on a crossroad while following a university course that I had chosen rationally. It (therefore) was not what I expected. Although I was interested in the matter itself – Communication, a master to complement my bachelor degree in Journalism – I could feel within a few days that the theoretical, empirical way of how this material was presented, wasn’t my thing. I’m more interested in practical application of useful knowledge.
I had started this course based on common sense, thinking: ‘a university diploma will increase my chances’ (as there was little employment within national media and broadcast journalism at the time – so I believed). Two weeks into it, I was forced to listen to inner emotions, telling me: ‘I don’t want to drag myself through this for 2 years!’ Crisis came when soon, due to inner resistance (and time-consuming freelance work, which I still did on the side), I had missed some classes and got behind.
Catching up and continuing seemed like a logical step to improve my job leverage. And I had already invested in the course fee, and in books… But, sometimes, the obvious doesn’t feel right. One night, I couldn’t sleep; I was turning around and around. Thoughts were flashing through my brain; sensations were going through my body. Every cel of my DNA felt my spirit’s dilemma: ‘no, you can’t quit, are you crazy??’ versus: ‘yes, you certainly can, follow your heart!’
‘Positive thinking turns any ‘failure’ into victory’
That night, I made up my mind to listen. To my reason? No. To my gut? Yes! The next morning, I went to the student office and ‘resigned’, not knowing what the future would bring yet. ‘Okay’, you may think, ‘this doesn’t sound like a heavy situation, compared to my divorce; my finance; my body.’ Well, I have felt the pain of a relationship breakup, but I still back up this principle 100%: believe that anything has a good side, and also feel that all is good – even if you don’t have the evidence yet.
Napoleon Hill once wrote: ‘Every adversity; every failure; every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit’, and that there’s great opportunity in temporary defeat. I believe it’s true. Always keep in mind that an apparent failure is nothing but a temporary indication, and that positive thinking can turn any ‘failure’ into victory! The only challenge here is: you have to (bring yourself to) believe that good things are coming your way – and feel it, even if you don’t see results yet. This is a key point.
The art is to see positive aspects in ‘negative’ situations. Get into the habit of focusing positive. It will change your life for the better, because during every second of your life, your thoughts are creating your destiny. More specific: that what you think about during most of the time, will become your reality. Therefore, you always want to think about what you want (and not reinforce what you don’t want). And you know that you’re on the right track when you feel good (or at least a bit better) than you did.
‘What looks like an adversity may turn out as a blessing in disguise’
There is a way to focus on positive aspects of any event, and if it’s something that has had a lot of impact, you can still find something to be positive about; find something to be grateful for – like the fact that you’re still alive; the fact that you can breathe, and so forth. When you take it slow and, step by step, make an effort to get to the good side of your emotions, you will make great progress. A positive way of approaching at any life event (that appears to be negative) could be gratefully realizing that:
You’re gaining life experience
You will learn valuable lessons from which you benefit during your whole life when you think about all events that have caused your current situation.
You’re taking full responsibility
You will take 100% responsibility for your current situation when you acknowledge your own role (i.e. your personal thoughts and actions) in this.
You’re avoiding future mistakes
You will improve your attitude towards yourself and others when you apply what you’ve discovered about your personal thoughts and actions.
You’re restarting more positive
You will leverage your growth based on this event when you turn this (self-created) ‘negative’ situation into a (self-created) positive outcome.
Yes, it’s hard to believe that when, for example, your relationship just ended and you’re in tears. I know. I’ve been there. But I came to understand that you have to tear down an old building to structure a new house. And all life lessons you’ve learned so far, will be your new foundation. That alone is a sunny side to every setback, but there’s a greater advantage. I’ve seen evidence that (what looks like) an adversity may turn out as a blessing in disguise – if you think it does, it will be.
‘When you feel good, you will attract more things that make you feel good’
As Abraham-Hicks said in a workshop on Law of Attraction: ‘Knowing what you don’t want, helps you know what you do want’. You can actually use the vantage point of a situation you don’t like to focus on (and thus create) the scenario you do want. The great opportunity in temporary defeat is that you can take a quantum leap towards what you actually want! It all depends on how you think; how you feel; how you vibrate. You could use an approach like I did when my relationship ended:
You’re acknowledging positive aspects
After my first pain, I could see good sides of my ex-girlfriend, slowly but surely feeling grateful for all good things we’ve experienced together.
You’re facing negative aspects
I could also see missing things in our relation (including my own shortcomings; my own role in this co-creation), and then I looked ahead.
Let me pause here to say: it’s key to not get stuck in thoughts & feelings regarding what you have been missing, and instead move on!
You’re defining your desires
I could then set new preferences about what I do want in a love relation, such as warmth, sympathy, kindness, acceptance, respect, and patience.
You’re feeling much better
I could then focus on desires by feeling deep gratitude for all good things in my ‘now’ (and all good things in my future), and thus feel much better.
Why it’s important to feel good, apart from the current joy of feeling good? Because feeling good helps you manifest your desires. Positive thoughts bring positive feelings, and good feelings attract good experiences. It really is that simple! A brief explanation: good feelings equal good vibrations. You are a vibrational being, and (consciously or unconsciously) broadcasting vibration into the Universe, 24/7. Feeling good makes you attract more things that make you feel good.
‘My emotion set things in motion’
The amazing reward when you follow your bliss (by using your emotions as guidance) is that seemingly impossible or unexpected things suddenly appear from ‘nowhere’, as if by magic. Remember I had quit my university course, apparently without an immediate job perspective? Immediately after I decided in a moment of anger and frustration (while lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling) to follow my gut feeling, skip my master’s degree, and do what excites me, my emotion set things in motion.
On the exact moment when I reached my decision, I was able to feel relief. That was an indication that I was moving from negative to positive emotion. I fell asleep with peace of mind. The next morning, after signing my ‘release form’ in the student office, it still felt okay, even though I didn’t know what was coming next. It just felt like a good thing to do; I had thoughts like: this is all going to turn out just fine. That must have been the key, because it was just a few days later that a little miracle came on my path.
I was riding on my bike, minding my own business, when ‘something’ made me stop. I looked around, and suddenly spotted an acquaintance. Ellen was working for a publishing house for which I’d done freelance writing in the past. She asked me how I was doing, so I told her that all was fine, but that I had given up my university course as it wasn’t my cup of tea. We talked for a few minutes, and she wished me good luck with my future endevours before we went our own way. But then things moved in mysterious ways.
‘Your motivation is your compass, and your emotions are your guide’
Just a few days after, I got a call from that publisher’s editor (to which she reported directly) that they just got a job opening, and they thought of me as the best candidate to fill the position. I went to visit them; we had a good talk; they gave me the job. Right after showing courage to ‘burn my ships’ (like the Spanish conqueror Hernán Cortés did in 1519) and do what feels right rather than (just) what seems right, things began to move – even if my first emotion was frustration. That feeling was a necessary kickstart!
As soon as my mood turned positive, and I knew what I wanted next – exchange my formal education for something fun (even if I had no idea what opportunity would present itself) – I could take inspired action by kissing the university goodbye. Your motivation is your compass, and your emotions are your guide. When you enjoy what you do, you’re on the right way. Follow your bliss; do what you love. Your success will come sooner than you think. Or: as soon as you think positive!
In the slipstream of my inspired action, the Universe lined up plenty of events (meeting my future colleague), opportunities (receiving a job offer) and people (my future colleague and editor) that helped me get a fulltime job and start my writing career. You can benefit from any ‘negative’ situation by using it to reset your life course towards what you do want (and then only focus on that; on the positive). As they say: every cloud has a silver lining. After every sunset, there will be a new sunrise!
Image: Evening sun breaking through dark clouds (credit: Thomas Giger)
